Dear Anita: Ironwood (Getting and Staying Hard)

Ask Me Anything!

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Here's another often-asked question: How do I get or stay erect?

Watch any late night TV--pretty much any time, actually--and you'll see ads targeting penis-owners with ED (erectile dysfunction) or wanting a "boost" to their manhood. What's up?

This is a complicated question, and the answer depends on a lot of things. First, what might be causing things to be less than rock hard? Medication can cause issues for an erect friend. Meds can also mess with libido (sex drive). Check with your doctor if this is a problem. She/he might have recommendations.

Overuse can also cause a limpish "partner." Overuse is when you have tapped the male refractory period and "given it all you've got, Captain" [insert Star Trek reference here].

But what is the refractory period, exactly? Biologically, it's the period of time after having an orgasm when (for men) the penis is not responsive. It may go completely limp or stay in a semi-hard state, but in general, things are a no-go.

Women have a refractory period too, but this question refers to what happens to men. The refractory period (male or female) varies from person to person and can have both mental and physiological causes, including a person's overall health, relationship status, stress, age, amount of stimulation or quality of sex, and frequency or amount of use.

You might need a short time out to rest and recuperate. Refractory period

Some recreational over-indulgences can be boner killer, like too much alcohol or bud ("whiskey dick" and "weed dick" respectively). A little of the good stuff can be a wonder, but too much can be a... let down.

*sad trombone

Some people blame porn or a porn addiction for a limp noodle, but here's what I have to say about that: porn can be a great mood enhancer for solo or shared play.

Porn need not be a shameful thing. Enjoy it with your partner(s). Just know that pornography is entertainment, not reality.

That said, if you cannot get hard because you consume too much "visual stimulation," mix it up. Read or listen to erotica (shameless plug). Sext someone. Use your imagination.

Now to answer the reader question of how to get more "erected" during sex:

Don't skimp on foreplay. Some people think foreplay is just for women. Not true. A sexy ambiance or environment, a massage, kissing, stroking. Foreplay is hot! 🔥

So don't rush it. The penis appreciates a warm up too.

Don't rush sex. There's a time and place for being bent right over and banged like a storm window in a Category 5 hurricane, but if you KNOW it has to be a fast, that could cause performance anxiety. Listen to your body.

If your soldier still won't stand at attention the way you'd like, go talk to a healthcare professional.

There are over the counter, natural products that you can use, like herbs and vasodilators (substances that open or dilate blood vessels), but these come at potential risk if you don't know what you're doing.

In addition to other specialties, I am a Western herbalist. I worked at a retail supplement store for several years, so I know my male enhancement products.

Do your research and make an informed decision. Some products mess with other medications or can goof up your hormone balance, so please be careful.

-- AT 💋